Like a lot of people, I was caught up in my own expectations of what I thought life was going to hold for me. I had it all figured out and the powers that be were simply going to mold the world around my ego.
My ego was enormous and not in a good way.
You see, there is a lot that can be accomplished if you have enough arrogance to assume you are entitled to it. We have built a society that caters, in many ways, to this concept.
Unfortunately for my former self, relationships are not one of these things. You are not entitled to love, respect or a healthy marriage. Also, your ego can't raise children.
Sounds funny and stupid, huh?
Sadly, there are a lot of guys out there who think this exact way, they just don't spell it out for themselves like this. They would prefer that their wives continue to 'hold the fort' and be enamored with them while they work, hunt, play and be generally disengaged.
This concept doesn't work in any situation, but especially not in an autistic household.
Our egos are irrelevant. In fact, they are a barrier to progress, connections, and the future of our relationships and children. Yes, it's like that.
For example, before my daughter was born, I thought about all of the Daddy/Daughter things that I was going to do with her. Dances, socials, Sweet 16, etc. I also wondered whether she would be like Mommy or Daddy, whose eyes or smile she would have, whether she would be funny like me or charming like her. Typical things, but unfair and in the way.
My daughter opened my eyes to the fact that she is who she is, not who I expected her to be. That said, she is so much more than I ever thought she would be and she amazes me every day.
The thing is: she can only amaze me because my ego is no longer in the way. I can see her now.
She saved me from myself. She made me a better Daddy, husband and man. The least I can do is live up to her expectations. :-)
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