Fathers For Autism

I am a road-worn father of an amazing autistic daughter and NT son. I started this blog to provide information, a sounding board and a voice for fathers of autistic children.

More to see on my Facebook page.

Thursday, February 7, 2013


I was in my son's class yesterday for a Holiday party. As I looked around at all of the little faces, I glanced up at the door and imagined a man walking in, killing at random. I couldn't tear my eyes away from the door...another parent came over and asked if I was ok and broke me out of my trance. 

I then walked over and hug my son fiercely, which elicited a 'Daaaaaad...'. 

People often say "I can't imagine...". Sadly, I can. I am cursed with the gift of a vibrant imagination and I can imagine the horror, the fear and the last moments of those scared, helpless children. I can see my son's face running and screaming. I can see my daughter not understanding the noise, covering her ears and walking towards the gunman, reaching out to the gun to stop the offending sounds.

I can't imagine living without my children, knowing their last moments. I can't imagine the futility of my anger and grief. I can't imagine knowing that there was nothing I could do, say, or change that would reverse time and bring my child back to me.

My imagination isn't strong enough for that.

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